To my Special Someone

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Believe in YOURSELF

MyNiceSpace.com

What pissed you off this week?

What pissed you off this week?

Sunday: 1. I misplaced my pearl earing ...i was looking for it for th nth time but havent seen it....
2. A txt message from the seller from ebay telling me the item i purchase is not yet shipped and i have to wait for 3-5 days.
3. Just ready for swimming and went to the place but was unable to get in for some PE culmination...being advice to be back at certain time just to know that it was closed.

Monday: 1. Wake up late and was able to come online late.
2. Worst is to wait in 1 1/2 hour for just a damn badminton session...

How to Handle Awkward First Date Questions by Shawna Schuh

Ever been on a date with someone who keeps asking the most inappropriate questions? What would you do in the following situation? You are on a date with a new person. You feel like you are in the hot seat because this person is attentive and asking you lots of questions. You're trying to make a good impression, you want to put your best foot forward and you may be required to answer, or at least be asked, some questions you'd rather not discuss.

How do you handle this? Let's go through a multiple choice!

Choice A: (This really isn't a choice it's a reaction to being put on the spot and it happens to lots of people) You become flustered, and defensive. You stammer something about feeling uncomfortable or overheated and you turn red in the face and become completely tongue-tied. This is not your best option.

Choice B: (Another body reaction to uncomfortable situations) your brain freezes and you glance around for the easiest and fastest escape route and you bolt for it. In this case you will not be asked out for a second date. If you are asked out after the bolting episode your date is either very forgiving of rude behavior or desperate for company.

Choice C: (Used when you are aware and prepared) you pause for a moment and smile. Not letting the other person see your discomfort. You keep your voice even as you say, "That's an interesting question, could you clarify that some more?" This will give you time to think and also allow your date to re-evaluate what he or she just asked. You could also turn the tables on the person asking by asking a question of your own, "Do you always ask such probing or intimate questions so soon after meeting someone for the first time?" This will usually disarm the other person and also alert them that they stepped a tiny bit over the line with you though you're not really offended, just not interested in answering that particular question.

Being put on the spot is not comfortable and usually sends us into a tizzy of embarrassment. It doesn't have to be that way if you can develop a few of the following skills.

1. Stop! Don't react or speak for a moment.This will give you time to think and also to gain your composure back. Sometimes when confronted with silence during this pause the person asking the question will feel uncomfortable for asking and quickly rephrase the question without you having to answer it. The biggest mistakes we make in social and business situations are when we jump in with dialog before thinking because of nervousness. Use a pause to think, breath and allow the other person to do the same.

2. Clarify the question.This gives you a chance to make sure you are certain of what they are asking and also gives you an extra minute to formulate an answer. Let's say the question was "What didn't you like about your last job?" or, "Why have you never married?" Both of these questions are ones that can be upsetting and difficult to answer graciously. It the case of the job, you don't want to make yourself or your former employer appear to be hard to get along with. In the case of why you haven't or aren't married, this question is really too personal of a question for casual conversation and really nobody else's business. So repeat the question and add a little to it.

Example: For the question "What didn't you like about your last job?" You could pause, smile and ask, "Do you mean as far as the tasks I was required to do or my feelings about the environment?" This will do several things in your favor:

1. It shows you are really listening.

2. It shows you don't jump right into an answer without clarification.

3. You remain posed and don't get flustered easily.

Example: For the nosey date or social question, "Why have you never married?" Once again, ask for clarification, "Are you asking about my dating history or my future goals?" This will once again make the person asking stop and think about whether or not the original question was appropriate and then saves them from offending you; also it saves you from saying something you wouldn't in normal circumstances.

3. Use an evasive answer.No matter what the question is, my favorite reply when feeling like I don't want to answer or that the question is not appropriate is, "That's an interesting question. Do you ask all your dates that?" Or, "Fascinating question, I've never been asked that before. What do most people say?" These comments can save you from making the wrong comment right off the bat and may provoke the asker to elaborate on what they really want to know. Also by asking if the person asked all their dates these questions you can find out how many people your date has in the Rolodex!

Many people don't really think about what they are saying before they speak and ask questions that can make the other person feel uncomfortable, put upon or down right embarrassed. I don't think they do this to offend or hurt generally, I think they don't really know how they come across or that the question was inappropriate or offensive. If you can learn to subtlety instruct by using the above skills you will not only come across as confident and poised, you will have a much better time and enjoy your budding relationship without acquiring horror stories to tell.

Issues to Discuss With a Potential Partner by Shawna Schuh

When dating, what differences should we overlook and what should head as warning to end the relationship? It's not the first date, it's not even the second date, but after you've been dating a person for awhile and you are finding yourself really consumed, wondering if this could be "The One" and thinking about the future. This is the hot and hazy time in dating and I think so much fun! Wanting to be with the other person, loving every little thing.

This is the time the dreams start showing up. Not the good dreams of naked bodies and all that stuff, though you have those dreams too, but the lifestyle dreams. This is when you begin to share where you see yourself living, what you would like to live like, how many kids you think would be great and all the other life stuff that makes us wonderfully human.

This is when some of the potential trouble can begin. This is where some of the best relationships start to end. I say, start to end, because a person would never let a little thing like living location stand in the way of a love relationship now. Or the fact that one person wants kids and the other one doesn't. But if you don't pay attention to some of these little signs early in the relationship you can set yourself up for a really big fall.

Does a person really have to think about all this stuff? This is pretty heavy and not something most people even want to think about, especially during the dating period. But this is your life, you can design it. In regards to dating here are the dreams to share and the issues to discuss in a fun and casual way during the dating phase.

Location: if one of you loves the country and the other loves the city there could be problems. Though you could have a house in both places and forget about the whole thing! If you're a film or sports star don't even worry about this issue. If you're like the rest of us and can probably count on having one house, at least at first, then you should determine where you dream of living and find someone who dreams of something similar or one of you will be really unhappy.

Kids: to have or not to have, this is the question. Be really open with your date about if you even like kids. If this seems to touchy to bring up just ask some innocent questions like, "Kids are so funny, don't you think?" or "I love my little nephew, do you have any kids in your life?" and take it from there. You'll know pretty quickly what your date thinks about lots of things if you phrase questions in a non-threatening way.

Pets: some people sleep with Rover, some let Fluffy eat off their plates. If there's an animal in your date's life you need to think about how you feel about that animal. So many people are in love with their animals that when you date the person you get the pet too. If dog hair makes you cringe and your date has a longhaired dog it's time to go back to the personals and try a different date!

The above three issues are a great way to start to think about what you want and how you really want to live, which is an even bigger and more important issue I think. You have your whole life in front of you from today on. You get to pick how you want to design it and the type of person you want to spend it with.

12 Ways to Show Your Partner You Care

1. Make coffee/tea in the morning. When you're both waking up in the morning, one of the first things on your minds is probably some sort of drink to get you going. One of the best ways to help get your days off to a great start is to make coffee for your girlfriend or wife. Without having to go to the lengths that breakfast in bed goes to, you will show that the first thing in the morning that you think of is her.
2. Do a little cleaning.After making coffee in the morning, why not straighten up a little before you head to the shower or to wherever you need to go? You don't have to get out a scrub brush, but taking the time to throw the dishes in the dishwasher and scoop the litter pan can be helpful.
3. Notice things that are missing.One of the ways to really impress a woman is to do something without being asked. When you've running low on toilet paper, be sure to run out to get some. Running low on milk? Stop at the store on the way home. This shows that you are committed to making your lives run smoothly.
4. Ask if there's anything that you can do. Many women have mental lists of things that need to be done every day, but will only let you know about them when the list becomes too long. Instead of waiting for the argument that follows, why not ask if there's anything you can do? It saves both of you time and makes a woman feel appreciated for the things that she has done in the past.
5. Fill up the gas tank. Something that you many guys might not think about is a woman's car. Most women hate to fill up their gas tanks - especially when they're heading to work or when it's raining or snowing - so why not fill it up for her when you notice that it's low? It's simple and certainly something that will be appreciated.
6. Write something. You don't need to be a professional writer in order to show a woman that you care about her. But when you're giving her a card for some occasion, be sure to include your own words in it as well. Women sometimes like to save cards and will cherish the words that you wrote over anything else.
7. Try to make day dates. Because you're both busy at work, you might want a little break from time to time. Why not make a date in the middle of your work days? Meet for lunch or for dinner once per month to break up your routines and remind each other that there is more to your lives than your paycheck.
8. Get to know their friends. A woman's friends are a representation of the way that she is when you're not around. If you want to understand her, try to get to know her friends. Your wife or girlfriend will appreciate the way that you show that you care about other important people in her life.
9. Get to know her family. Just like her friends, a woman's family is the group of people that came long before you. Even if you're not the best fit for their tastes, try to find some common ground that you can share.
10. Ask if something's wrong. When you notice that something is different about your partner, don't ignore it. Ask if anything is wrong and let her know that you are willing to listen to her and help her if you can.
11. Remember anniversaries and birthdays. There are plenty of calendar services that can remind you of important days, so there's no reason that you shouldn't be bringing an appropriate gift or bunch of flowers when she's expecting it.
12. Celebrate the everyday. Realize that anniversaries and birthdays aren't the only times that you can celebrate your relationship - why not surprise her with a short note or a small wildflower every now and then? Expense isn't the point - it's the expression that matters.

Ten Ways to Keep That Fire Burning by Robert Wagner

Relationships are very similar to fireplaces. They can bring warmth and comfort into your home making it a cozy place to escape the harsh elements we often face outside, but it takes work.

If you want a bigger and hotter fire you have to put more wood in the fireplace; and because wood gets consumed rather quickly, in order to maintain the same level of heat, you must put wood on the fire at the same rate that it is being consumed.

If you want to keep the fire burning in your relationship you must also put “wood on the fire” at the same level it is being consumed. When we first meet someone, it starts with a spark. We then feed that spark with fuel such as flowers, dinner, notes, poems, candlelight dinners, long walks going nowhere just talking etc. Over the years many couples allow other things to consume their time like work, the children and their activities, the house and yard work and they often forget to feed the fire. What happens? You got it, the flame goes out and the heat is gone. Instead of blaming themselves for not feeding the fire, many blame the fireplace and say that it stopped working and they all to often begin to look for warmth from other sources; TV, the children, the internet, work, food, hobbies, sports, chat rooms and even other relationships; any other place they find comfort and enjoyment. You can easily see who these couples are if you look hard enough; they usually never hold hands anymore, hugs are a thing of the past, dinner is spent reading the newspaper and when the meal is over, (if they even still eat together) he goes his way and she goes hers. He finds just as much warmth on the couch and she finds just as much affection in a book.

At this point, if you are still with me, many of you are probably thinking; “Oh my gosh! He is talking about us!”

Well if that is true, there is still hope: read on....

What can you do to prevent passion burn out?

It takes intentional work to keep any fire burning and that includes the fire in your relationship. When I had a wood stove, I sometimes had to get up in the middle of the night to put more wood on the fire. I had to prepare and have wood on hand before things started getting cold and that cost time, effort and sometimes money. If you want passion in your relationship, it will take work, it will take effort on your part and it sometimes takes doing things you would rather not do.

1. Prepare for cold times before they get there. The worst thing one can do is to wait for the fire to start going out before you gather wood. This means that in advance, before things get cold, you have to store up time to get away, set aside a few bucks to go out to dinner or hotel, schedule baby sitters in advance, schedule vacations, plan special things for your anniversary, birthdays, valentines day etc. Sit down with each other; get a calendar and set aside dates that you both agree to keep no matter what. Put a Red Heart on those days; when life gets hectic and begins to suck the passion out of you, just looking at that heart can bring comfort and anticipation. Plan special surprise dates where each person is responsible for what is done and where you go without the other knowing in advance.


2. Don’t wait for the fire to get too small. No one likes having the temperature fluctuate too much; cold one minute, hot the next. We would rather have steady warmth. In order to do this with a fire and a relationship, you must feed the fire on a regular basis. Set aside weekly or biweekly date nights. Sometimes a night away in a different environment will do wonders, even if it’s a hotel around the corner from where you live. Go out to dinner, a movie or just a walk in the park; take a ride in the car with the radio off so you can talk with each other. Keep the cell phones off or at least screen the calls and only take emergencies. Send flowers or candy, leave love notes and words of encouragement in places only your loved ones go. Leave a message on the answering machine, letting them know you love them, remember the phone companies commercial from a few years ago? “I just called to say I love you.” It is still effective. Surprise them with lunch at work. Be creative.


3. Watch the fire. Sometimes because of the environment and type of wood that is used, you may need to feed the fire at faster intervals. Life is never the same every day. Some days we can coast and things go smooth and other days seem as though everything that can go wrong does. It is the busy and tough days that suck the life and passion out of us. Keep an eye on the fire; if your spouse is having rough times you may need to put a little extra wood on. Take some of their responsibilities away from them during these days to lighten their load. Be extra affectionate, run the bath and have a few candles lit. Send the kids to the neighbors for a few hours or better yet, you take them to the movies.


4. Load up for the long nights. If you foresee any reason that you may not be able to tend to the fire, make sure you have the fireplace loaded if you want it to still be burning when things return to normal. If a person leaves with a fresh memory of how warm and comfortable it is at home, they will be less apt to look for warmth elsewhere. Enough said?


5. Stay away from fire extinguishers. There are certain things that will put out a fire in a heartbeat. Phone calls during dinner, conversations about work, lack of money, reading the paper and not paying attention, complaining and nagging are all things that will put out the passion. Even children with their needs will put a damper on a well intended night out. Make arrangements for them to be away. Neighbors and in-laws can come knocking on the door with best intentions, hang a do not disturb sign out and let everyone know that they need to stay away.


6. Know your wood. You must know what fuel burns best. Know your partners likes and dislikes, know what they like to eat, the kind of movies they enjoy and what they enjoy doing. If you are not sure what turns their heat up, ASK! Trust me, it is easier to ask than it is to experiment. And hey! When they tell you what they like, don’t think you know better. Men; a night at Lowes looking at the latest cordless drill may seem like a good time to you, but trust me, that wood is not getting lit; and ladies if your husband isn’t the mushy love story kind of guy, movies like “Pretty Woman” are as wet as wood can get.


7. When it’s your turn to feed the fire, just do it. When it’s your turn to feed the fire, remember that you are feeding this time and not eating, so what you like really doesn’t matter. Focus on what turns their heat up, not yours. If their fire is burning, don’t worry you will get warm.


8. It takes two. There must be give and take in every relationship, it is called being thankful and appreciative towards each other. When selfishness gets in and it becomes all about me, all about I, then resentment may start to grow and that waters down any relationship. Stop blaming each other. You can say that you are not putting any wood on the fire because you are not getting any heat and the fireplace can say it is not giving any heat because no one is giving it any wood. Both parties are dependent on each other to have a warm relationship.


9. Don’t hog the heat. If you keep putting logs on the fire and you aren’t getting any heat or comfort out of it, you will eventually stop feeding that fire. You must give out as much as you receive if not more. A good fireplace is designed to give back a good portion of the heat it generates; a poor one allows all the heat to go up the chimney. If your spouse is giving and giving and you are taking and taking, don’t be surprised when the giving stops. It is called balance. Everything in the universe survives on this principle and so does your relationship. You must give in order to receive and if you want more, you must give more. Again, if you are not doing your part, don’t be surprised when the wood stops coming.


10. Take care of the fireplace. Do you remember when you first started dating? You were always on time, dressed to kill, your hair all done up, makeup just right, car or truck all cleaned. Never said a harsh word to each other, some even apologized if they burped out loud. How is it now? Hair in curlers, no make up, yesterdays McDonalds on the floor of the car, fries in the seat, dressed in your work clothes for dinner and going to bed in what looks like your fathers old work out clothes? Do you force out that burp? Do you still hold your tongue when you get upset, or do you treat strangers with kinder words then your spouse? When the fireplace looks and acts like it is all worn out, people start to think about replacing it with a newer model. Take care of yourself, on the outside and the inside. Does it take work? Sure it does. So? A fireplace that is kept well will be well kept.

What if the fire is already or nearly out?

Very often after the fire is almost out with only a few warm coals left, many feel they can throw one little stick on the fire and it will bring a blaze of heat back into the home. They see the sudden flame and feel a bit of heat and go to bed with a smile on their face but before the sun rises, things are just as cold as before. One night out, one bouquet of flowers, one dinner or one compliment and they feel everything should be the same the next day. For relationships that have grown cold, you have to start all over again, feeding it a little at a time. Just like in your courting or dating days; time spent with each other just talking, dinner, a note left behind, a late night phone call about nothing, flowers, candy, and perfume. Remember, when a fire goes out, it is not just the fireplace that cooled off; the entire home did as well. The bricks or stones, furniture, walls floors and ceilings all have to be warmed up and that takes time and energy. If you want that passion back, start small, be consistent and do not give up. It may take doing something small every day for weeks before you really feel the warmth coming back and as soon as you see that small flame, you better fan it and feed it cause it will go out quick if you don’t. After it starts to burn, keep it going and never let it go out again!

Final thoughts:

A relationship requires constant work and attention. The enemy wants us to take all of our focus off of the relationship and apply it elsewhere; knowing that if we keep our eyes off it long enough we will loose it. These principles not only apply for our relationship with our spouse, but also with our children, friends and family and of course our relationship with God. Jesus spoke to the church of Ephesus in Revelation chapter 2 when He said, “You have done great works, but I have this against thee, you have left your first love, remember what you used to do and return to it and repent.” Think back on how you treated each other when you first met, how you talked and the actions you took. Think back to the time when things were great and full of passion and do now what you did then.